Monday, December 24, 2007

fa la la la la, la la la waaah?

Christmas is here. Only a few more gifts to wrap. Santa? Little miss doesn't quite get Santa this year. But gifts? Yeah she gets gifts. We can't turn our backs for a second without her tearing into a gift. Yes, they are put up high. But the child is tall. T-A-L-L. More than half as tall as me at only 16 months. And spunky too. The in-laws are in town and she has turned up the cute to eleven. She has the grandparents right where she has had her Daddy for months now. Putty in her teeny little hands. It's amazing. I suspect once she starts really talking that I could possibly be figuring out where to put a pony in a one room city apartment. I don't think there will be anything they will deny this child! Pony in the city? Sure little one, what ever you want!

She's doing amazing things and I'm more in love with her every day. I could cry every time she grabs a book and backs up to sit in my lap. Oh how long I've waited for this moment. I'm seriously soaking up every second.

I think I'm settling in to the idea that she is it. Never ever thought I'd only have one child, but I just can't get my head around it any other way. I'm so ready to be over the conversations in my head. And the waiting, the WAITING. Living at two week intervals. ugh. It's for the birds. Even "leaving it up to fate" and not doing any more ART, just see if it happens in the "old fashion" way (ha. ha. ha. is all I have to say to that.) But even doing that it's still in my head. Not in the I'm-thinking-of-it-every-second kind of way, but it's there. And I'm ready to, in one way or another, to be done with it. It's too painful. This month I was incredibly hormonal and had convinced myself that maybe? I even went out and spent cash on a flipping test and poas at work. WHITE AS SNOW. ugh. The last time I poas I swore to myself I'd never do that to myself again. And that was years ago. And there I went. That damn SNOW WHITE stick. ugh.

Davis is perfect. I am so so so lucky to have this child. She is enough. Doesn't mean I don't want her to have a sibling or that I'm not mourning every bit of the babyness that is rapidly fading into toddlerness.

So there you go. That said I have to leave it open as I could change my mind in the next five minutes and R and I have yet to sit down and really really really really talk this whole thing through.

On my way home from work today I traveled through the subway switching from one train to the next and I passed a nice looking elderly woman sitting on a bench. She said something to me that almost made me drop every package I was carrying. In an instant I felt as if the oxygen had been sucked out of me. She looked at me and smiled and I tried my best not to fall to pieces. I think I managed a smile back at her. I was in a bit of shock. I looked around me, desperate to find the person she was really talking to. Because it couldn't be me. But there was no one. Just me in my red coat loaded up with too many gifts to comfortably carry. All of this happened in a split second and after I passed, I turned to look back...I just wanted to know if she was real. If what just happened was real. She was still there. And she was still looking right at me. Still smiling.

Words. Letters jumbled together that make sounds.
What do they mean really? Nothing? Everything?

These words shot through me like an arrow.
They will be with me for a very long time.

She said, "I hope you have a little baby boy."

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Remember that scene...

...from Stand By Me where they boys are telling stories around the fire...and one is about the kid that gets fed up with being bullied. Literally fed up. He created a major scene at the pie eating contest.

A Barf-O-Rama

Pretty much sums up Thanksgiving. Half the people in attendance went home with the stomach flu. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, thankfully most waited until they got home to start with symptoms. Davis alone used up most of the clean towels in my parent's house when the virus hit me, I mean, her. Poor little lady. It's impossible to explain to a 15 month old 1. That she is sick. It's not permanent. and 2. That she is sick. No, sorry, you can't have any milk. Or that banana. You will just throw it up (on me) again. Luckily for Davis, Mimi didn't understand that either. Same with my five nieces that were veryveryveryveryveryveryveryvery concerned. In the end, she got her banana and some pedialyte and a private concert featuring said nieces singing 'wheels on the bus' and surprised us all that she held everything down. She was also introduced to this box called a tv and big goof of a purple dinosaur. What IS it about this dino? I just don't get it. Sesame St. I get. Big purple dinos? Not so much. She spent the rest of her time in Texas walking around with a B video tape begging, no demanding, anyone to put "Ba" on NOW. Always with a signed Please and Thank You. Because those ARE the magic words after all. The stuff even rubbed off on me!

Most everyone left Mom & Dad's house on Saturday morning. Davis started in Sat. night. The phone calls kept coming, all beginning with "insertnamehere is sick." Rolyn and were worried. Knowing we had a plane ride ahead of us, every call that came in was torture. Would we get it? Most importantly WHEN? On Sunday after my sister and her family left we got a call that they were sick too. Rolyn screamed "Can we just get it already? The anticipation is killing me!" We opted out of visiting anyone we had planned to see as we didn't want to get families sick. Thankfully we stayed away.

Can you guess where this story is going? I bet you can guess part of it. But never, ever in a million year will you guess all of it.

Tuesday afternoon we get all packed and ready to head to the airport. Mom check with AA and finds out we are delayed by 2 hours. grrrr. Rolyn starts complaining his stomach is not "right" uh, oh. Off to the airport. Checked in. Extra (free) seat for Davis. yay! Delayed another 30 minutes. boo! Rolyn not feeling good. He's lying down on the floor at the gate. Plane arrives. We board. Take off. Davis falls asleep instantly. yay! Rolyn collects all the air sick bags and puts in his seat pocket. Then he notices a full row empty so he takes off to lie down. I proceed to watch HS Musical (another wha? for me. right up there with the purple dino) Have a drink. Eat a bagel. Let Davis stretch out on the empty two seats next to me. "This all worked out just fine," I think to myself.

And then out of NOWHERE. I feel sick. WHAT??!! I have .5 seconds to lunge across Davis to grab the air sick bags, open one and well...BARF-O-Rama. I ring for the flight attendant. It's only been 2 maybe 3 seconds from "we're all good" to this particular moment. This is when I notice that the air sick bag Does. Not. Hold. Liquid. WTF? Honestly why bother? Is a wax coating really that spendy? By the time the flight attendant got to me, which I have to say was very fast, there was vomit everywhere. I tell her to PLEASE wake the poor soul sitting behind me as his bag might be (for sure) getting messed up a bit. UGH. Embarrassed is not the right word. Humiliated. Nope not strong enough either. The flight attendant hands me two blankets to cover the mess and tells me they will clean it when we get to NY! WHAT? That's two more hours away? Nice.

It's about this time I notice Rolyn's head pop up and he looks at me and I wave him over. He comes back and says, "you ok?" When I told him what happened he was shocked. And then he said "I have to go. That smell is about to get me going too." There's that scene from Stand By ME in my head again. Thankfully it didn't go any further than me.

Rolyn got lucky and his hit about 5am at home. Lucky Lucky.

And just in case that description wasn't graphic enough for you...yes, it really is NO FUN getting sick on an airplane. I mean I used to always think about how there could be nothing worse. Now I know. It's even worse than I had imagined. And like I've said many times before, I'm pretty good with imagining.

All that said, Barf-O-Rama and all. Thankgiving is still my favorite holiday. Fried turkey. Chocolate pie. Family. LOTS of family. This year was my second year to be thankful with every cell in my body that I have Davis. I still have to pinch myself sometimes that she is even real and most importantly HERE, alive and kicking, and screaming, kissing, loving, laughing, dancing, and on and on. Wow. Amazing.