Cancelled.

IVF #2 has been cancelled.

For some unknown/unforeseen reason my estrogen level plummeted today. Which basically means my eggs stopped growing. WTF is wrong with my body? It has failed me yet again.

I'm sick of hearing the doctors tell me "I have no idea why THIS happened. We just couldn't have known. Next time...blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda." Next time next time next time. How many fucking 'next times' do I have to go through?

Sorry for the pity party, you can leave early if you want.
I wish I could. This party sucks.

bad news / good news

Bad news first.
Not ready for the HCG trigger shot just yet. Which means no retrieval on Firday. sigh. Maybe Saturday.

Good news.
Since this pushes us back a day...that means nothing and I mean NADA, ZILCH will happen on 11/11. whew.

Here a shot there a shot everywhere a shot shot...

and I'm not talking tequila folks.
We're shootin' Follistim and Menopur with a chaser of Antagon.

I have to say things must be going ok when your nurse, I mean, husband says, "Maybe we should always do ivf. You seem so calm. You were the same with ivf #1." hmmmmm. Of course we had to laugh. We do that a lot over here. So many situations call for laughing or crying and if at all possible we try to laugh.

But back to my thought...yes, I am calm. I think it has to do with the obvious fact that I'm doing something...something that I know got me pregnant 1.5 times. Hopefully this time works all the way. .5 pregnant just sucks really.

Funny ivf story #1.
So when we went for our refresher ivf intro class the nurse kept harping on "MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ENOUGH MEDS before YOU NEED THEM." And I sat there and smugly thought "Who the hell pays out all this cash to do this and then DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH MEDS??!!?"
uh, well, blush, blush, that would be ME. I had a refill called in for Menopur and me and the mister just flat out blanked it. Period. Until. We. Needed. It. ugh. It all worked out in the end. They had cut my Follistim dose to zero, so the Dr. on call said take the last of our Menopur and fill the other half with Follistim. That meant two shots instead of one. But shit after all these shots who's counting. (I will say R put up a post on ivfconnections and someone called last night offering up some Menopur. God I lurves the internets.)

Funny ivf story #2.
I got a call from the clinic today at 2pm. I needed to take my Antagon shot. Preferably now. Since R works on the west side of 57th St. and I'm on the east side...it just seemed silly to make him come all the way over to give me a shot. He did offer to come (aw sweet man) but my ego got the best of me. Come on girl don't be such a whimp! I did it. It wasn't sooo bad. All the people in the Sony building that can see in my office got a show though! Probably looked like a partay going on across the street. ha.

Friday is approaching...

Ladies and gentleman...let the injections begin!

IVF #2 is in full swing.

I did the same thing I've done with every other cycle, whether it was an IUI, IVF or a FET. I expected them to call me on the first day and say, "Heather you simply cannot start this madness. You, girlfriend, are already pregnant!" hahahahhahaha ahhhhhhuugh. I really thought that's what they would say. Forget the fact that I had been on birth conrtol pills for 6 weeks. (Yes, an ivf cycle starts out on bcp. Go figure. I tried to tell them I already had the birth control part covered...but they made me take them anyway.) Forget the fact that I was bleeding, not from the head or anything...just a normal period. These are two pretty good indicators that I was not and could not be pregnant. Me and my over active imagination. I can dream up anything apparently.

Does this mean that I'm NOT going to ever win the lottery? No, I can't believe that. I'm going to stay in my happy-free-flowing-money-world.

So the injections started Sunday night. R is doing a fab job with his duties. It's not so bad. I'm trying to not think about the progesterone shots to come. I had a big dose, pun intended, of reality with one of the shots. There is a new drug that is replacing Repronex. It's called Menapur. "It's more pure than Repronex. So it's not supposed to sting as much." I bought this song and dance. Hook. Line. And. Sinker. I'm not sure if my memory has faded or what but I think Menapur stings just the same if not worse. I even asked R last night if he had forgotten to switch from the 1.5" mixing needle to the more managable .5" needle. He just looked at me and laughed. I guess it would be hard not to notice the difference between the two. That 1.5 incher is a beast. We'll save those puppies for the fun ass shots of progesterone in oil. Imagine injecting molasses into your butt cheek. Not easy. Though I'm no expert on this as I've never actually seen it done before. I've got my eyes closed for every injection or blood draw. Can't stand needles. I did try to convince R to let me stick him with the needle...you know, so he can empathize. I didn't want to inject anything...just stick him. He wasn't buyin' it. Not for one second.

As penciled in my schedule on the calendar I ended up sitting there with my mouth on the floor.
And my darling R said, "Of course. Not sure why you are so shocked."
Here let me give you the run down...
Start stims 10/16
Keep on shooting up until...
Egg Retrieval 10/28 wait and pray until...
Embryo Transfer 11/2 (Mom's Birthday)

And here's where my mouth fell...

Beta (pregnancy blood test for those that don't know the lingo) - 11/11 Yep you heard it. E L E V E N E L E V E N. How the hell did I let this happen??? There's a post here about me and the number 11. (I'll try to put in a link just in case you can't find it in the mass confusion of my many many many posts. No promises though. I'm new to this blogging stuff.)

So yeah. IVF #2. Here we go. Wish me luck.

sigh.

Sadly, I am not still drunk. The Cape was amazing...will post more on that later later.

IVF#2...tbd. Waiting for insurance BS paperwork.

Off to New Jersey for a THREE day management seminar. Can you hear the excitement in my post?!

What? You only hear sarcasim?

You heard it right baby.

catch ya on the flip.