Monday, December 26, 2005

B Day...One More Sleep.

Tomorrow morning is THE beta. My stomach is in knots. I have no idea how to feel. Being hopeful scares me and being negative or shut down scares me. I'm going back to that numb feeling that is sadly so familiar. It's comforting not feeling.

If it's a BFN (Big Fat Negative) I imagine I will not be surprised. It will be devastating and sad but nothing will ever compare to the sadness I felt when I said goodbye to my babies. So like the BFP that turned into a BFN in August I figure I will move on will suck though don't get me wrong WILL SUCK.

If it's a BFP (Big Fat Positive) I imagine I will feel happy, terrified, followed by shock and then back to numbness. It will be a long road ahead. I haven't put too much real sincere thought into a positive. I've just been kind of floating along on the river DeNile. Can you believe they serve NO ALCOHOL on this cruise. The bastards.

I have loads of people feeling hopeful and excited for me, so thankful for each and every one of them...but I think I'll have one more night of denial. I'll let everyone else have the feelings. Reality will come soon enough.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

everything's crossed. xoxoxoxoxo


9:32 AM  
Blogger Rolyn said...

Right there with ya, babe.


Tick, tick, tick.

I love you.

11:26 AM  
Blogger davispigeon said...

Beta of 522!!! That's a nice, strong number, sweet thing.
Sending you hugs and sticky bean thoughts.

2:47 PM  
Anonymous Figlet said...

Wait. Beta of 522? Could we get an official confirmation before I start clanging saucepans over here and popping the cork on the non-alcoholic champagne? Oh wait. I'll save it so we can drink together.

I'll be hitting refresh all night if necessary.

10:37 PM  

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