6 x 6 : May 2008

1 | In a word, how would you characterize yourself before your loss, and then after?
Hard to remember the before. After :: wary, on-guard.

2 | How do you feel around pregnant women?
Uncomfortable. Worried for them.

3 | How do you answer the 'how many children' question?
Whenever this question is asked I go through many answers in my head in the .2 seconds before responding.
I have two babies that died at birth, and one living.
One living angel and two not.
She is my third child but the only one living.
I'm batting a thousand with this answer "One."

4 | How did you explain what happened to your lost baby to your living children? Or, if this was your first pregnancy, will you tell future children about your first?
We will tell Davis about her brother and sister when she is old enough to understand. Hopefully by then I will understand too.

5 | What would another pregnancy mean to you, and how would you get through it—or are you done with babymaking?
Another pregnancy meant hope. And brought much fear and anxiety. Luckily we made it to (almost) term and had a big healthy baby girl at 35.5 weeks. I desperately want more children but fear that the road ahead with another ivf and 20 weeks of bed rest would, one, be unfair to my friends and family, and two, not work anyway.

6 | Imagine being able to step back in time and whisper into the ear of your past self the day after your baby died. What would you say?
Don't forget to breathe.