You Are Fabulous.

Saturday night I went to a girlfriend's fortieth birthday part. It was dinner for just about, if not exactly, forty girlfriends. The invite started out by saying "You Are Fabulous!"

It was a blast. Perfect location. Lots of amazing women. I have to say in the last several years I've been pretty buttoned up and closed off. Not big on small talk with anyone, and definitely not with anyone I didn't already know. I wasn't putting my self out there in any form or fashion. But for whatever reason, could have been the champagne, I talked to people...people I didn't know before Saturday. I surprised myself at how much fun I had.

Good Food. Good Music. Good People. Good Times.

There was a tarot card reader there...and I decided hey why not? I sat down and she told me to ask her one question. I was unprepared for that, so I said, "What happens next?" Knowing in my heart what that meant...but she laughed and said, "Sorry Charlie, you need to be more specific than that." So I replied, "Will my family grow in numbers or will it stay the same?"
This is what she said...

She laid out several cards and said, You have a child? Yes, I said.
She laid out another card and said, A girl? Yes.
Oh, Soul mate. You're with the right partner. Forever partner.
He is starting a business. It will be successful. btw, YOU should start your own business as well, but you already know that.
Then she drew the "art card" and said that it had been coming up all night, which wasn't surprising given the creative bunch in attendance...but she said mine was different. I was a designer she asked? Yes I said. Interior? No. Oh, then graphic. Yup.
Then she said I keep drawing one more child but I feel two. The cards say one more girl, a sister. But I see two. And they are of different sex. One boy and one girl. Hmmmm. I said. Trying not to completely break down. I knew she was talking about Tess and Oliver. In one way it was comforting that she felt them so strongly that she was going against what she was reading in cards. And in another it was just heart breaking knowing they are part of my family but not here.

Tess and Oliver's birthday is rapidly approaching. Just two days away.
Three years.
And it still hurts. A lot.